英検準1級｜英作文・要約の高得点/低得点事例集

In 2017, Finland tested a basic income by paying 2,000 unemployed people €560 a month with no strings attached. Supporters said it reduced stress while job hunting and encouraged training for better work. Critics warned it could leave some people unmotivated, regardless of the circumstances, and questioned whether it was sustainable long-term without significantly raising taxes or cutting other vital services.

1) In 2017, Finland tested a basic income by paying 2,000 unemployed people €560 a month with no strings attached.
⇒OKです。（"with no strings attached" が "without any conditions" を自然に言い換えています。）

2) Supporters said it reduced stress while job hunting and encouraged training for better work.
⇒OKです。（要点2つを入れらています。）

3) Critics warned it could leave some people unmotivated, regardless of the circumstances, and questioned whether it was sustainable long-term without significantly raising taxes or cutting other vital services.
⇒OKです。（反対側の要点＋財政面まで入り、表現もgoodです。）

While schools in some countries have often provided free lunch to a part of the students, there are programs that enable all students to have the free lunch. Supporters say that nutritious meals have positive effects on students' academic performance. Moreover, free lunch can enable student's parents to save time for work and households. Critics, however, argue that the duty of providing adequate meals every day can cause various problems.

While schools in some countries have often provided free lunch to a part of the students, there are programs that enable all students to have the free lunch. １）間違いではないのですが、“a part of the students” は“only some students / a limited number of students” がより良いです。 ２）細かいですが、“the free lunch” の the はランチ自体を特定してるわけではないので不要です。 改善例：While schools in some countries have often provided free lunch to only some students, there are programs that enable all students to have free lunch. Supporters say that nutritious meals have positive effects on students' academic performance. Moreover, free lunch can enable student's parents to save time for work and households. １）“households” は“household responsibilities / child-rearing” 等に出来るとより良いです。 改善例：Supporters say that nutritious meals have positive effects on students' academic performance. Moreover, free lunch can enable student's parents to save time for work and household responsibilities. Critics, however, argue that the duty of providing adequate meals every day can cause various problems. ⇒OKです。

Online language learning has become popular because apps and tutors let busy people study anytime and anywhere. Supporters say it is flexible, offers interactive resources and access to native speakers, and can foster independence and good study habits. Critics argue it cannot match classroom communication and group interaction, may weaken natural speaking skills, and makes it harder for learners with low self-motivation to stay focused.

Online language learning has become popular because apps and tutors let busy people study anytime and anywhere. Supporters say it is flexible, offers interactive resources and access to native speakers, and can foster independence and good study habits. Critics argue it cannot match classroom communication and group interaction, may weaken natural speaking skills, and makes it harder for learners with low self-motivation to stay focused.
⇒OKです。

I think it is depends on the sites either trust or not because internet has a lot of risks.
So I believe that you shouldn't trust information on the internet easily.

First, there are a lot of sites on the internet.
And many of these sites were created by strangers.
In that case, you shouldn't trust on the information completely as you don't know who wrote it.

But, some of sites are trustable such as a official site and government't site.
There public sites can't inform a wrong thing.
In addition, you should avoid deceiving sites.
These sites are created as if a official ones in order to get your individual information.

So, you should pay attention to internet sites.
That is why I thought that.
If you want to trust internet's information, you have to install some security app.

I think it is depends on the sites either trust or not because internet has a lot of risks.
１）準１級はdon'tと短縮しない方が良いです。公式のエッセイなどでは短縮しないためです。英検の公式解答例も準1級から短縮されなくなります。
２）thinkよりbelieveを使うことがオススメです。エッセイではbelieveを使うことが良く、準１級からは公式解答もbelieveになるため。
３）it is depends は、be動詞と depends を重ねてしまっていて文法的に誤りです。ここは it depends だけにすべきです。
４）depends on the sites either trust or not はtrustに対する主語がsiteにはならないです。サイトは信用「される」と受け身です。「どのサイトかによって、信用できるかどうかが決まる」 という意味がはっきり伝わるように、depends on the website whether you can trust it or not の形にします。また、internet の前には the を付けて the internet にすべきです。
改善例：I believe it depends on the website whether you can trust it or not, because the internet has a lot of risks.

So I believe that you shouldn't trust information on the internet easily.
１）エッセイでは短縮形を避けたいので、shouldn't を should not に直します。
２）you だと読み手個人に話しかける口調になるので、一般論としての印象を強くするために people に変えるとよいです。
３）ここでは意見を重ねるより（英検のテンプレとしては）私は二つの理由がある　と書いた方が良いです。
改善例：So I believe that people should not trust information on the internet easily.
英検に合致する改善例：I have two reasons to support my opinion.

First, there are a lot of sites on the internet.
１）文法的には正しいですが、sites よりも websites の方が今の文脈には合っています。
改善例：First, there are a lot of websites on the internet.

And many of these sites were created by strangers.
１）文頭を And で始めると会話的になりすぎるので、エッセイでは Also や In addition にするとよいです。
２）were created だと「過去に作られた」という過去の話になります。現在もそうであることを表すために are created か、「誰だか分からない人が運営している」という意味で are run by people you do not know とするのとより良いと思います。
改善例：Also, many of these sites are created by people you do not know.

In that case, you shouldn't trust on the information completely as you don't know who wrote it.
１）trust on the information は前置詞の使い方が誤りで、trust the information と前置詞なしで使います。
２）ここも短縮形を避けるために、shouldn't → should not、don't → do not にします。また、「完全に信じてはいけない」をはっきり出すために、completely の位置を動かして you should not completely trust that information の形にすると良いです。
改善例：In that case, you should not completely trust that information, as you do not know who wrote it.

But, some of sites are trustable such as a official site and government't site.
１）文頭は But, よりも、エッセイでは However, を使う方が良いです。
２）some of sites は some sites か some of the sites に直します。
３）trustable はあまり使われないので、ここでは trustworthy や reliable を使うと良いです。
４）a official site は母音で始まるので an official site にします。government't site はスペルが誤りなので、a government site か government websites に直します。
改善例：However, some of the sites are trustworthy, such as official sites and government sites.

There public sites can't inform a wrong thing.
１）ここは There ではなく、直前の公的サイトを指すので These public sites にします。
２）inform a wrong thing は伝わらず。「間違った情報を出せない」と言いたいと思うので、cannot publish wrong information や cannot provide false information に言い換えます。
改善例：These public sites cannot publish wrong information.

In addition, you should avoid deceiving sites.
１）deceiving sites は、文法的には可能ですが、伝わりづらく普通は「人をだます側のサイト」という意味で deceptive sites や fraudulent sites を使うと良いです。
２）youではなく 三人称の people/they が良いです。
改善例：In addition, people should avoid deceptive sites.

These sites are created as if a official ones in order to get your individual information.
１）a official ones は「a ＋複数形」で文法的に誤りです。ここは as if they were official ones のように、they を主語にした形に直します。
２）individual information は英語ではあまり使わないので、personal information（個人情報）にします。
改善例：These sites are created as if they were official ones in order to get your personal information.

So, you should pay attention to internet sites.
１）So, のカンマはあっても構いませんが、エッセイでは So の代わりに Therefore や For this reason を使うとフォーマルになります。
２）internet sites よりも websites on the internet の方が分かりやすいです。また、「注意を払う」は be careful when you use の形にすると具体的になります。
改善例：Therefore, you should be careful when you use websites on the internet.

That is why I thought that.
１）このままだと、「それが私がそう思った理由でした」という過去形で途中で切れている感じになります。ここは現在の意見としてまとめたいので、That is why I think this way. のように現在形にし、that を一つにして文を完結させます。
改善例：That is why I think this way.

If you want to trust internet's information, you have to install some security app.
１）internet's information という所有格は不自然なので、「インターネット上の情報」であることを表す information on the internet にします。
２）some security app は可算名詞なので、a security app か、一般的に言うなら security software にします。
改善例：If you want to trust information on the internet, you have to install a security app.

The sport is the thing which is enjoyable, improves health and people’s communication.
On the contrary, people play video games without working out, and the conditions to play are limited.
Therefore, I think video games cannot be considered a sport.

Firstly, video games only need player’s fingers movement.
For example, they control keyboard and mouse with only their fingers to play games such as Fortnite and Apex .
It implies that video games are not sport, because they do not move their physical.

In addition, gamers cannot play video games without the internet.
When electronic issues occurs, the internet is not available, which allows gamer to not play the games.
However, people can play sports anytime and anywhere.

For the reason explained above, video games must not be considered a sport, because players do not move their body and cannot play at where they want to.

The sport is the thing which is enjoyable, improves health and people’s communication.
１）「The sport」は特定の1つのスポーツを指す形になってしまうので、ここでは一般的な話として Sports are にしたほうがよいです。
２）「the thing which is enjoyable, improves health and people’s communication」は形がバラバラなので、are enjoyable and improve people’s health and communication skills のように、動詞の形と語の並びをそろえると読みやすくなります。
改善例：Sports are enjoyable and improve people’s health and communication skills.

On the contrary, people play video games without working out, and the conditions to play are limited.
→この文は不要です。理由は最初に書いた①のためです。

Therefore, I think video games cannot be considered a sport.
１）thinkよりbelieveを使うことがオススメです。エッセイではbelieveを使うことが良く、準１級からは公式解答もbelieveになるため。
改善例：Therefore, I believe video games cannot be considered a sport.

Firstly, video games only need player’s fingers movement.
１）「player’s fingers movement」は複数形の所有格は s の後に置きます。players’ finger movements か the movement of players’ fingers のように直します。
改善例：Firstly, video games only need players’ finger movements.

For example, they control keyboard and mouse with only their fingers to play games such as Fortnite and Apex .
１）「keyboard and mouse」の前に冠詞が必要なので、the keyboard and the mouse もしくは a keyboard and a mouse にします。
２）「Apex .」のように単語とピリオドの間にスペースが入っているので、Apex. とスペースをなくします。
３）全体としては、they control the keyboard and the mouse only with their fingers のように語順を少し整えると読みやすいです。
改善例：For example, they control the keyboard and the mouse only with their fingers to play games such as Fortnite and Apex.

It implies that video games are not sport, because they do not move their physical.
１）「are not sport」は、ここでも一般的な「スポーツ全体」との比較なので、are not sports か、もっと簡単に are not real sports にすると良いです。
２）「they do not move their physical」は physical (肉体の）と形容詞で終われないです。ここの they は video games を指している様に取れます。「人々は身体を動かさない」と言いたいので、people do not move their bodies または they do not get much physical exercise のように書くと良いです。
改善例：It implies that video games are not real sports, because players do not move their bodies very much.

In addition, gamers cannot play video games without the internet.
→OKです。

When electronic issues occurs, the internet is not available, which allows gamer to not play the games.
１）「issues occurs」は単数・複数が合っていません。issues occur（複数）か an electronic issue occurs（単数）にそろえる必要があります。
２）「which allows gamer to not play the games」は意味と文法が崩れています。「プレーできなくなる」と言いたいので、which makes it impossible for gamers to play または so gamers cannot play the games のようにシンプルに書き換えます。「gamer」は一般名詞なので gamers と複数にするのが良いです。
改善例：When electronic issues occur, the internet is not available, so gamers cannot play the games.

However, people can play sports anytime and anywhere.
→OKです。

For the reason explained above, video games must not be considered a sport, because players do not move their body and cannot play at where they want to.
１）「For the reason explained above」は、複数の理由をまとめているので、For the reasons explained above と複数形にする必要があります。
２）「must not be considered a sport」は、やはり全体を指すなら sports にするか、should not be considered sports と少しソフトな助動詞にするとエッセイらしくなります。
３）「do not move their body」は do not move their bodies と複数形にします。
４）「cannot play at where they want to」は「彼らがやりたい場所でプレイすることができない」で意味は伝わるのですが、cannot play wherever they want などに直すと、英語としてより良いです。
改善例：For the reasons explained above, video games should not be considered sports, because players do not move their bodies much and cannot play wherever they want.

In fact, These days marriage form became various than before but, I believe marriage is important now, too.
The reasons related to child and economics.
first, children number is rapidly decreasing especially my country.
So we need to improve for next generations.

second, Now increase people who is poor.
however If married someone it can devide their economics problem.

In the other hand, We sometimes feel lonely, exhaust in alone.
Because it is too busy to work hard, wash dish, laundry only one person.

I wrote reasons for people should marry.
but, There is reason in people who do not get marry.
The reason is too small provided aid from government.
This is most of reason and biggest problem.
So government need to improve this environment as soon as possible.
So i believe marriage is very important and government should improve our countries environment.

In fact, These days marriage form became various than before but, I believe marriage is important now, too.
１）カンマの後は小文字です。「These days」は文の途中なので小文字にします。
２）比較級がないのに than を使えないです。
３）「forms of marriage have become more diverse than before」のように「形式が多様になった」と言い切る形が良いです。
４）「but, I believe…」の「but」のあとにはカンマを入れません。「but I still believe that …」のように「still」を足すと、「今でも重要だ」という意味がはっきりします。
改善例：These days, forms of marriage have become more diverse than before, but I still believe that marriage is important.

The reasons related to child and economics.
１）この文には動詞がありません。「The reasons are related to …」のように「are」を入れて文を完成させます。
２）「child」は単数なので、「children」と複数形にします。
３）「economics（経済学）」ではなく、「the economy（経済状況）」を使うと意味が合います。
改善例：The reasons are related to children and the economy.

first, children number is rapidly decreasing especially my country.
１）文頭なので「first」は「First」と大文字にします。
２）「children number」ではなく、「the number of children」と言います。
３）「especially my country」には前置詞が必要です。「especially in my country」にして、「特に私の国で」という形にします。
改善例：First, the number of children is rapidly decreasing, especially in my country.

So we need to improve for next generations.
１）「So」で文を始めることはありますが、エッセイでは「So」より「Therefore」や「For this reason」などのほうが合います。
２）「improve for next generations」だけでは「何を改善するのか」が分からないので、「improve this situation for the next generations」のように「this situation」を足してあげます。
改善例：Therefore, we need to improve this situation for the next generations.

second, Now increase people who is poor.
１）文頭なので「second」は「Second」と大文字、「Now」も文頭扱いにするなら「Now,」のようにカンマを付けます。
２）言いたい内容は「貧しい人の数が増えている」なので、「The number of people who are poor is increasing now.」のように「The number of … is increasing」という形にします。「people who is」ではなく「people who are」と複数形にします。
改善例：Second, the number of people who are poor is increasing now.

however If married someone it can devide their economics problem.
１）文頭なので「however」は「However,」と大文字＋カンマにします。
２）「If married someone」は主語がなく、「If they marry someone」のように「they」を入れます。
３）「devide」はスペルミスで、「divide」です。また「economics problem」ではなく、「economic problems」と複数形にするほうが良いです。「share and reduce their economic problems」のように「分け合って減らす」とすると意味がはっきりします。
改善例：However, if they marry someone, they can share and reduce their economic problems.

In the other hand, We sometimes feel lonely, exhaust in alone.
１）表現は「In the other hand」ではなく「On the other hand」です。
２）文の途中の「We」は小文字の「we」にします。
３）「exhaust in alone」は文法的におかしいので、「feel lonely and exhausted when we are alone」として、「alone」の前に「when we are」を入れると良いです。
改善例：On the other hand, we sometimes feel lonely and exhausted when we are alone.

Because it is too busy to work hard, wash dish, laundry only one person.
１）「Because」で始めると、その後にメインの文が必要です。この文単体では不完全なので、「It is too hard for one person to …」のように書き換えてしまうのが安全です。
２）「wash dish, laundry」は形がそろっていません。「wash the dishes and do the laundry」のように動詞＋名詞の形を合わせます。「too busy」もここでは「too hard」のほうが意味に合います。
改善例：It is too hard for one person to work, wash the dishes, and do the laundry.

I wrote reasons for people should marry.
１）「reasons for people should marry」は形が混ざっています。「reasons why people should get married」または「reasons for getting married」のどちらかにそろえます。
２）「I wrote reasons」よりも「I have given reasons」の方が、ここまで説明してきたことをまとめるニュアンスになります。
改善例：I have given reasons why people should get married.

but, There is reason in people who do not get marry.
１）文頭に来るので「but」ではなく「But」と大文字にし、カンマは不要です。「But there is also a reason …」のように「also」を足すと「〜の一方で」という対比が出ます。
２）「do not get marry」は誤りで、「do not get married」です。「There is reason in people who…」も不自然なので、「there are also reasons why some people do not get married」と言い換えます。
改善例：But there are also reasons why some people do not get married.

The reason is too small provided aid from government.
1）この文は語順が崩れています。「provided aid from government」を先に出して、「the aid provided by the government」と名詞句にします。
2）「too small」はどこにかかるかをはっきりさせる必要があります。「One reason is that the aid provided by the government is too small.」のように、「is too small」を「aid」にかけます。「government」には「the」を付けます。
改善例：One reason is that the aid provided by the government is too small.

This is most of reason and biggest problem.
１）「most of reason」は文法的に正しくないので、「the main reason」に変えます。
２）「biggest problem」には「the」が必要です。「This is the main reason and the biggest problem.」とまとめるとすっきりします。
改善例：This is the main reason and the biggest problem.

So government need to improve this environment as soon as possible.
１）「government」は単数扱いなので、「need」ではなく「needs」です。さらに「the government」と冠詞を付けます。
２）ここで言いたいのは「環境」というより「状況」です。「this situation」に変えると意味が合います。
改善例：So the government needs to improve this situation as soon as possible.

So i believe marriage is very important and government should improve our countries environment.
１）「i」は必ず大文字の「I」にします。また「So」で始めるより「Therefore」や「In conclusion」の方が結論に合っています。
２）「government」には「the」、「countries」は「country’s」と所有格にする必要があります。「our country’s environment」または「conditions in our country」にするとよいです。
改善例：Therefore, I believe that marriage is very important, and the government should improve the conditions in our country.

I agree with this opinion.
I will gave two reasons to support this opinion.

First, some people can not stop using internet.
It is because internet is very fun for them.
People gave their all time to watching internet.

Second, phon’s radio waves is not good for human eyes.
If they watching so much time to watch internet, their eyes will get tired.
And at the end of, they have to wear a glasses.

Overall, I agree that people should use less time using the internet.

1）I agree with this opinion.
⇒OKです。

2）I will gave two reasons to support this opinion.
指摘：“will gave” は時制誤りです（“will give” か現在形）。

3）First, some people can not stop using internet.
指摘：“can not” は “cannot”が一般的です。
※internetは the を前に置く方が一般的です。
改善例：First, some people cannot stop using the internet.

4）It is because internet is very fun for them.
⇒OKです。

5）People gave their all time to watching internet.
指摘：“gave” は時制誤り（現在形）。“their all time” は語順誤り（all their time）。“watching the internet” は伝わりづらく “spend … online”が良いです。
改善例：People spend all their time online.

6）Second, phon’s radio waves is not good for human eyes.
指摘：綴り（phone’s）。“radio waves” と目の因果は分かりづらいです。blue light と言いたい？？安全に長時間の画面凝視による目の疲れに言い換えると良いです。数も一致していないです。
改善例：Second, staring at screens for too long can strain the eyes.

7）If they watching so much time to watch internet, their eyes will get tired.
指摘：文法誤りが多いです（If + 主語 + 動詞）。前置詞・語法も修正必要です。
改善例：If they spend too much time online, their eyes get tired.

8）And at the end of, they have to wear a glasses.
指摘：“at the end of” は不要です。“a glasses” は不可算で “glasses”。
改善例：Over time, they might even need glasses.

9）Overall, I agree that people should use less time using the internet.
指摘：“use less time using” は重複表現です。“spend less time on the internet” が自然です。
改善例：Overall, I agree that people should spend less time on the internet.

Government should work together to boost global food production.
The reasons for this are related to technology and population.

First, there are many people live in country where inffla is not develope.
Now, they may not require enough food even though they try to earn food by farming and domestication and so on.
If quantity of food increased, they would not have to worry about starbling.

Second,our population have boosted every year.
As a result, we need to secure more food.

Working together of government leads to improved food supply.
In conclusion,We have to copolate to enhance the food supply because it has many benefits such as saving people who live in development country and securing enough food supply.

1）Government should work together to boost global food production.
１）主語は複数形にすべきです。（各国政府なので）。
２）自身の意見として最初は明確に I believe ～ を付けるべきです
改善例：I believe governments should work together to boost global food production.

The reasons for this are related to technology and population.
⇒OKです。

First, there are many people live in country where inffla is not develope.
１）“there are many people live” は関係代名詞が必要です。 pepople who live など
２）“country” は数えられるので複数にすべきです
３）“inffla” は綴り誤り（ここは “infrastructure” などでしょうか）
４）“develope” はスペルミスです。developが正しいです。
改善例：First, many people live in countries where infrastructure is not developed.

Now, they may not require enough food even though they try to earn food by farming and domestication and so on.
１）“require” は「必要とする」で意味が合わず“have/get” が適切です。
２）“earn food”なども伝わりづらいです。。。以下例を書きます。
改善例：They may not have enough food even though they grow crops and raise animals.

If quantity of food increased, they would not have to worry about starbling.
１）“quantity of food” の前に冠詞必要です。またこの場合は food supply などが良いと思います。
２）“starbling” はおそらく “starvation”。
改善例：If the food supply increased, they would not have to worry about starvation.

Second,our population have boosted every year.
１）カンマ後に１つスペース空けましょう。
２）“population” は単数主語なので has にすべき。
３）“have boosted” とは言わず、“has been increasing” などが良いです。
改善例：Second, the global population has been increasing every year.

As a result, we need to secure more food.
⇒OKです。

Working together of government leads to improved food supply.
１）“Working together of government” は with にすべきで、表現も伝わりづらく、たとえば“Cooperation among governments” が良いです。
改善例：Cooperation among governments can improve the food supply.

In conclusion,We have to copolate to enhance the food supply because it has many benefits such as saving people who live in development country and securing enough food supply.
１）カンマの後は小文字です。
２）“copolate” は “cooperate”
３）“development country” は “developing countries”
改善例：In conclusion, we must cooperate to enhance the food supply, saving people in developing countries and securing enough food.

I agree with this opinion.
I will gave two reasons to support this opinion.

First, some people can not stop using internet.
It is because internet is very fun for them.
People gave their all time to watching internet.

Second, phon’s radio waves is not good for human eyes.
If they watching so much time to watch internet, their eyes will get tired.
And at the end of, they have to wear a glasses.

Overall, I agree that people should use less time using the internet.

1）I agree with this opinion.
⇒OKです。

2）I will gave two reasons to support this opinion.
指摘：“will gave” は時制誤りです（“will give” か現在形）。

3）First, some people can not stop using internet.
指摘：“can not” は “cannot”が一般的です。
※internetは the を前に置く方が一般的です。
改善例：First, some people cannot stop using the internet.

4）It is because internet is very fun for them.
⇒OKです。

5）People gave their all time to watching internet.
指摘：“gave” は時制誤り（現在形）。“their all time” は語順誤り（all their time）。“watching the internet” は伝わりづらく “spend … online”が良いです。
改善例：People spend all their time online.

6）Second, phon’s radio waves is not good for human eyes.
指摘：綴り（phone’s）。“radio waves” と目の因果は分かりづらいです。blue light と言いたい？？安全に長時間の画面凝視による目の疲れに言い換えると良いです。数も一致していないです。
改善例：Second, staring at screens for too long can strain the eyes.

7）If they watching so much time to watch internet, their eyes will get tired.
指摘：文法誤りが多いです（If + 主語 + 動詞）。前置詞・語法も修正必要です。
改善例：If they spend too much time online, their eyes get tired.

8）And at the end of, they have to wear a glasses.
指摘：“at the end of” は不要です。“a glasses” は不可算で “glasses”。
改善例：Over time, they might even need glasses.

9）Overall, I agree that people should use less time using the internet.
指摘：“use less time using” は重複表現です。“spend less time on the internet” が自然です。
改善例：Overall, I agree that people should spend less time on the internet.

More and more American are using clothing subscription services, which provides them with various products for a monthly fee by choosing methods along with customer’s hopes. This advantage is that they can wear unique items with low cost and reducing the amount of clothing trash prevents environmental problems. However, the negative effects are that you must judge few informations without investigating them in detail. Also,most of them are older.

More and more American are using clothing subscription services, which provides them with various products for a monthly fee by choosing methods along with customer’s hopes.
１）more and more なので、American → Americans(複数形） にすべきです。
２）, which ではありますが、servicesと複数形が先行詞だと思います。そのため provides → provide が良いと思います。
改善例：More and more Americans are using clothing subscription services, which provide them with various products for a monthly fee by choosing methods along with customer’s hopes.

This advantage is that they can wear unique items with low cost and reducing the amount of clothing trash prevents environmental problems.
１）with ではなく at low cost が良いです。
２）and の並列は品詞を合わせたほうが良いです。 wear and reduce が良いです。
３）prevents に 主語がないです。 , which prevents など関係代名詞節（ここは前節全体を指す非制限用法）を作ってあげる必要があります。
改善例：An advantage is that users can wear unique designer items at low cost and reduce the amount of clothing trash ,which prevents environmental problems.

However, the negative effects are that you must judge few informations without investigating them in detail.」
１）informationは数えられない名詞です。 less information などにすべきです。
２）must judge だと （情報を）判断すべき　となるので意味が伝わらないので、 rely on / decide from などで表現すべきです。
改善例：However, a drawback is that you must decide based only on limited online information.

Also,most of them are older.
１）them が何を指すか分かりづらいです。 itemsなどにする必要があります。
２）また新品ではないと言いたいと思います。以下の様に書けます。

In Germany, tuition fees were decreased in some universities so there are many students who give up on going university because of money. Suppoters advocate that decreasing tuition fees allow poor students to remove hardle of attending university. Moreover, spreading high quality education encourage the country to bring innovation and economic growth. But, critics claim that there are possibility to rise burden such as taxes.

In Germany, tuition fees were decreased in some universities so there are many students who give up on going university because of money.
１）元の文の意味を取り違えています。元の文は「ドイツでは“ほぼ廃止”」「一方“多くの国では断念（出来ていない）”」が正しいです。
２）文法（going university→going to university）、因果の誤用（so）。
改善例：In Germany, tuition fees were decreased at universities, but many students in other countries give up on going to university because of money.

Suppoters advocate that decreasing tuition fees allow poor students to remove hardle of attending university.
１）スペルミス：Suppoters→Supporters, hardle→hurdle
２）主語‐動詞一致（allow→allows）
３）remove hurdleは日本語だとハードルを取り除くですが、英語だと lowers the barrier などです。
４）対象の明確化して書けるとより良いです。low-income familiesなど。
改善例：Supporters advocate that decreasing tuition fees allows poor students to remove the hurdle to attending university.

Moreover, spreading high quality education encourage the country to bring innovation and economic growth.
１）主語‐動詞一致（encourage→encourages）
２）high-qualityはハイフンでつなげてあげるのが一般的です。
３）bringは伝わりづらいので、主語を「高度に教育された労働力(a highly educated workforce」にすると意味が通ると思います。
改善例：Moreover, a highly educated workforce drives innovation and economic growth.

But, critics claim that there are possibility to rise burden such as taxes.
１）there are possibility→there is a possibility of
２）rise burden → a costly burden
３）But は However, や On the other hand, が良いです。
改善例：However, critics claim that there is a possibility of increased burdens such as taxes.

Beginning of Public transportation could be used people have green card.”
Supporters think the initiative allowed Tallinn to increase tax revenue, improve environment and provide transportation for poor people.
Citizens became not to stroll by 40%
However , critics point out that using car decreased only 5%. So It did not effective.”
Moreover many complain is occurred because its fee was paid taxpayers

Beginning of Public transportation could be used people have green card.”
１）いつ・どこ・だれが対象（登録住民・2ユーロのグリーンカード）を明確に示すべきです。すべて書くのは無理でも重要なポイントはしっかり書く。
２）“Beginning of” は不要です。
改善例：In 2013, Tallinn made transit free for registered residents with a €2 green card.

Supporters think the initiative allowed Tallinn to increase tax revenue, improve environment and provide transportation for poor people.
⇒OKです。

Citizens became not to stroll by 40%
１）文の最後にピリオドがないです。
２）“became not to stroll” は伝わりづらく“walked less—down 40%” など書くと良いです。
３）もう少し元の文も内容を入れて表現したいです。
改善例：A 2014 survey found walking fell by 40% among residents.

However , critics point out that using car decreased only 5%. So It did not effective.”
１）カンマの前はスペースを空けない。カンマの後は１つスペースを空けましょう。
２）So It と文中でいきなり大文字になっています。
３）carは数えられるので“using cars”にすべきです。
４）It did not の後に動詞を置いていないです。
“It did not effective” → “it wasn’t very effective”など。
改善例：However, car trips fell by only 5%, so the emissions impact was smaller than expected.

Moreover many complain is occurred because its fee was paid taxpayers
１）many(たくさんの）なら complains とすべき。
２）many なのだから 動詞は are にすべき。
３）論点は運賃収入減 → 納税者負担増の流れです。そこを書きたいです。
※fee was paid 'by' taxpayers と by が抜けています。
改善例：Moreover, opponents argue free fares cut revenue and shift costs to taxpayers.